It's full of bullshit because when this whole thing started (with school being involved) two weeks ago they were fine with me and they sent me home when I had to go home and they'd try to be understanding. Right now I feel like i'm just pissing the teachers off and pissing everyone off with my absence and it;s horrid because I can't help it. Like right now for example I'm sat at home, at 9 I wrote about three pages of notes for history and highlighted (so essentially revised) some other notes from previous weeks. I plan to annotate more of Macbeth but I just feel 100% useless. It isn't like I WANNA be at home 'cause I don't, I wanna be in school but sometimes I can't.
I just feel like the school are being big babies about it. I start therapy tomorrow and right after I'm going in for my citizenship class. Of course it doesn't help that I sit next to the two biggest dickwads I've ever met in my entire life.
I've passed the motivational stage. At the beginning I was all "Ok we can do this!! We can get through this!! I'm gonna start eating super heathily and take my tablets regularly as I should and I will be fine in no time!!!" but right now I'm at the end of my tether. I haven't given up and I still do school work I'm just not all that peppy.
I feel super bad because I don't do things I used to, I haven't been out in a couple weeks and I haven't been in school since Thursday (I stayed in all day which is an absolute milestone). I just think the teachers think I haven't been doing all the work or something, which I have. All of it. Probably 10x more than others in my class (mostly out of this relentless fear I'll fail all 7 of my exams).
It's 10:52am right now and I thikn at 11am I will make some notes on Macbeth and then have some lunch at 12pm and then (not do psychology because I don't know what the next unit is) email my teacher my psychology homework.
Here are some cutsie kinda pictures to keep both you and I motivated today (which i can't see happening for me but hey ho)
rachel xoxo
Hey! I hope you feel better soon, I really do. I had anxiety for years in school and didn't realise what it was and I used to pretend I was sick all the time or sneak back to my friends house because I couldn't face school, it sucks so much. I only realised it was anxiety in second year of university but atleast now I know. Schools are shit about this kind of thing, don't let it get to you though. As long as you're doing your best that's all you can do, it's enough. Much love from a fellow Rachel <3 I tried sending you this on tumblr but your bruised butts graphic is covering the ask button, I'm happierdreaming though xxx
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