"EFF AND BLIND AND DO AS MUCH OF IT AS YOU WANT"

I attended my first therapy session today and it was very good and I think it should continue that way. I recognise almost everybody there and 80% of them are business women in suit trousers and a shirt who sit with their legs crossed and their hands in their lap which is not surprising. This one woman wore a hoodie and jeans and converse and had her hair scraped back in a low-pony and spoke a little and had obviously gone to one of those things before. My mums ex-boyfriend's brother was there too and he seems sweet. There was a very old woman there too who seems sweet also. My mum knows her daughter and apparently this old lady has a very hard time and hasn't been able to leave her house or do much for years and it makes me very sad. Her ex-boyfriend's brother isn't able to do much either and he can't work because of it and its all very sad. I'm the youngest there too.
In some sort of fucked up weird way it feels way cool and I feel a part of something. We got given these diary sheets where we record times of feeling anxious, our levels of anxiety before and after the situation and how we dealt with it. The lady said we can't swear in class but we can record anything we want and swear as much as we like about anything and it's totally confidential so I am looking forward to recording stuff the most.

Right now my life feels 99% consumed with anxiety and it's awful but today was a productive day!!! #1 I wore a hecka cute outfit (apart from the fact that my skirt showed my butt a little but whatever everyone got a butt).

That is me dancing around and around to Stevie Nicks, or Vampire Weekend I can't remember which.
Last night I dyed my hair black too and I think it makes me look like I'm wearing a prosthetic wig but it washes me out a lot and I like that. It also contrasts with my lipstick so that's a big bonus.
What isn't a big bonus though is the trail of hair dye up my stairs, on my carpet and all over my mum's linoleum.

Another reason why today was a good day is because I sat through a lesson and I didn't have to ask to leave. Now I've attended 6 hours of school in the past two weeks and three days and I feel good about today!! I also just finished up on English notes and my English teacher seemed okay with everything so I feel pretty positive.
I swear my life isn't all just about anxiety I do have other stuff going on (I HAVE A LOT OF GIGS COMING UP EXPECT GD THINGS) just stuff is pretty shitty right now (ish, it's getting better, ish)

rachel xoxo