I hope the pretty clothes distract from my extremely unprofessional photography.
Tell me if i'm wrong but £1 for a scarf that used to be £20 is ridiculous, someone call the police 'cause i just robbed Topshop.
I'm spending this evening[and the next two weeks] downloading songs to my itunes because spotify is stupid and won't let me copy music to my ipod because i haven't "legally downloaded it" or something??????? I couldn't comprehend. I also think it's a good way to keep me INSIDE the house to prevent me from spending any more money, money that i don't actually have. When I say I am the worlds worst saver i mean i am THE worst, nobody can compare to how i deal out cash to retailers, trust me.
I currently have 13 packages to post i think when i pitch up at the post office tomorrow at 9am the woman behind the glass counter may actually smash through it and throttle me.
I AM SO EXCITED TO BE GOING TO LONDON. I'm going to London in two weeks and i am so incredibly excited, i've never been before in a proper way [as in i once went for about 5 hours and saw nothing but the inside of art galleries]. I probably won't do much, just walk around with my mouth open and a little bit of spit hanging out.
[Jeans - Topshop, Striped tee that's actually a dress - Topshop, Socks - Etsy, Loafers - Topshop, Duffle - Topshop, Necklace - Topshop, Choker - Depop shop, Sunglasses - i have no idea...]
Sorry for the large array of Topshop garments, I do realise it is quite an issue. One i refuse to act upon.
Today I went for lunch with that lil bean, my sister Laura, and i salivated all over my pulled pork sandwich it was so yUMMY!
It's one of my best friends 18th next week and I found the most perfect dress in Topshop today for £15 but I am so depressingly poor that I couldn't buy it. Total lie, I have money, i just needed my sister to pull me back from the sale rack, kicking and screaming I was. I need more pretty dresses in my life.
I am going to an art exhibition later but i won't take photographs because the people might not want me to and then i will get stared at.
Today I got up at an early 8am and travelled to my sixth form (of which i sadly had to revisit, when i just thought i had left forever THIS happened) to help my friend Rachel vamp her art project for Wednesday's exhibition! I'm thinking of showing up, probably mostly just for the free wine.
I somehow managed to justify eating a McChicken sandwich and a whole Milkshake. Which doesn't happen very often because I have very low tolerance for Mcdonald's.
I had such a busy day and here s a #1 top tip for you all: wear penny loafers as much as you can but try to avoid them if you know you're going to walk a billion miles in a day. My big toe really hates me for that.
I was going to do an outfit of the day type photo but i totally forgot!!! I will(might) include one in the next post. That is if my sister is out of bed early enough to take some for me.
I also had a meeting with a practitioner about my anxiety and she scares me but if she's helpful then i'm gonna stick it out. She's also pregnant but i didn't catch on straight away so i spent most of the time staring at her belly with a confused expression.
If she can help me feel not-so-shit about moving to university then i'll keep her.
oh well oh well it is the summer hols again and it's swung around and hit me in the face so quickly; i barely have enough time to scrape myself off of the floor to enjoy it. With all this new-found freedom i find it hard to remember that other people have responsibilities which is why i take such opportunities to throw it right in their faces. With such a great amount of time i dunno what i wanna spend it doing. Even though i've been off a week and a half already i and actually finished the entire 4 seasons of Arrested Development and started watching Une Femme Est Une Femme (which is actually one of the oddest films in existence).
I though i would devise a lengthy list of pointless and maybe not-so-pointless things you can spend the next ten or so weeks doing.
1) -TV TV TV TV
I was never a TV person, always a much more movie-orientated person. Wes Anderson was the way i lived my life, usually, until I discovered Netflix. The holy grail of television that is Netflix. I kind of haven't gotten over the hype, as seen through what i've most recently been watching which is back to back Arrested Development. Arrested Development is one of the weirdest things i have seen on my television since maybe Art Attack and I feel sort of sorry for Michael Cera thinking maybe his career would have panned out differently if he didn't star in such a screwed up tv show from the age of 15. I am probably over-exaggerating but I didn't know 2003 could have been so 2013. Aside from the fact that it allowed me to find Michael Cera incredibly attractive for the first time in my life, it possesses such a clever humour that you could notice if you're either a) clever enough or b) sat with someone who is clever enough to point all the hidden funny bits out to you. Whatever, just get yourself a Netflix subscription and start watching because by the end of summer i'm sure it'll be having you macking on that life size Michael Cera poster you bought post-Juno and painting yourself all kinds of deep blue colours, trying to start an all male "Blue Man Group".
2) - JELLY SHOES
*frantically searches laptop for any photo of my jelly shoes because i probably don't have one*
I'm gonna stop right here and apologise to all the people (dickwipes) on my twitter ('cause i know there is a hecka lot of you) who do not like Jelly Shoes. And I know they LOOK childish but whatever grow up, or don't because it isn't necessary for this part of your summer, and buy a frickin' pair. Aside from the fact that they are the most comfortable pieces of plastic that have ever graced my feet, you can basically match them with any kind of sock you want to. And believe you me I am a whopping fan of a good old frilly, patterned sock. Mind you, when you've been walking about for a fair long time buying plastic wallets 'n' all that jazz (to store your bank stuff in 'cause you're tryna do a bit of growin' up) and maybe the odd Starbucks, your feet do begin to get a bit sweaty and they do tend to slide about a bit. This can result in you either walking like your toes are gripping frantically to the shoe soles (which they probably are) OR looking like a clown. Both of which i can put up with.
(£20 from JuJu Jelly which you can purchase from stores such as Topshop or Office).
3) - PLAYLISTS
No matter what, everything is always 10x better with the perfect playlist. Problem is I am rubbish at making them so I just steal everybody else's (look to 8tracks). For example, right now I am listening to a compilation of Keaton Henson songs because he makes the atmosphere around me feel light and airy yet somehow sad and nostalgic. This is the kind of music i like when i'm writing so i don't just spit up a load of garbage all over the page. There are a series of steps you have to follow in creating the perfect playlist (of which you may or may not want to follow as i reference the start of this paragraph: i am not a very good playlist-er).
Step 1 - Choose the correct title. I like to keep things simple, one worded, no shit. "Anti-anxiety" is currently in the works (as in i added 4 songs then gave up) and "Calm". The playlist you see above is simply "Important" and without which my life would be a total fucking mess, Kate Bush, Major Lazer and Rusted Root = dream team, without a doubt. So you kind of want the playlist to reflect the atmosphere you're intending to create. Get it? Good, great.
Step 2 (and quite possibly the final step) - Add songs. The not-so-simple part for me im afraid as my music knowledge doesn't quite extend past the clutter of Haim, The Cribs, Keaton Henson and the amalgamation of 80's classics I have stored in my brain. I constantly face this battle of not knowing whether to make a playlist short and sweet or lengthier but i guess it all depends on the task the playlist is created for. Cleaning the house? Long, baby, long. Homework? Shorter the better. Even though homework isn't an imperative for summer. Never mind. Do a playlist if you want. My advice is great but I would ignore it if I were you.
4) - READ
The short and short of it is that I am a really bad reader and so any book i find enjoyable, i really honestly rave about like a mad gal. The trick is to find somewhere you think you would enjoy reading and then read. I haven't really tried this yet. Apart from in the bath which i have to tell you, isn't that enjoyable when your butt is simultaneously getting burnt red raw 'cause you went over the top on how hot the water should of been.
Most of the books I recommend, I have read in class, which is a really quite sad case. Either that or they aren't even proper books. For a seemingly clever person I am quite unclever.
*laughs because of the ironic title but is it really ironic?*
1) IT by Alexa Chung, needs no explaining. Beautiful book full of beautiful pictures just go find a river running through a field with a bench right by said river and just read then sit and daydream of what your life could be like if you were Alexa Chung.
2) Listography, again, not an actual book but if you are an avid list maker such as myself this is one you will enjoy. And also lists are a good summer activity. A debatable fact.
3) The Bloody Chamber by Angela Carter. A book I did do for my A level exam so I guess i'm cheating but it was one of the better ones. It's like a series of short fables with a feminist twist. Like Red Riding Hood and Beauty and The Beast, narrated by the female leads. I don't know what else to say. Read it.
4) A BIOGRAPHY. I opted for Keith Richards because he's the highest of gods. WWKD? You must ask yourself.
5) How I Live Now by Meg Rosoff. A futuristic romance based around a girl who moves from New York to the English country side and falls in love with her cousin but spends most of the time running about with her other cousin trying not to be bombed due to the on-going World War Three. She also has an eating disorder.
6) The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. Apologies for the cliche but i GENUINELY enjoyed this book regardless of the overused quotes. The cover is cool too. If you haven't heard of this book then please crawl out from underneath the rock you've been living under for the past however many years.
7) The Color Purple by Alice Walker. Early 20th Century period novel based around protagonist Celie who is raped by numerous male characters and spends a lot of the book trying to break free from the grasp of said male characters whilst finding herself in a heavily patriarchal South America. Hints of lesbianism. Sort of a coming-of-age novel which isn't that easy to relate to if you're a working class white girl from Northern England but that's what makes it all the better. Feminist. READ IT.
8) To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee. I actually was just about to not write about this book because I don't know what i'd say so never mind skip this bit. Sorry. If you did any GCSE English Literature you won't need to read it anyways, happy days.
Remember when I said this list would be lengthy? Yeah I lied, sorry but I have been very truthful in the fact that this is all I will be doing this summer. Aside from the odd barbecue but you coulda told yourself to do that, right?
I'll end it here with a video that shows a place you all wish you could be right now and a person you all wish you could be right now. DE WILDE.
I'm listening to Keaton Henson and writing this because Keaton Henson is anxious and sad right? So I think that listening to Stevie Nicks could make me kind of not in the mood or maybe even Best Friends or something, yeah, their music isn't gonna work.
I have this foot-in-mouth feeling all the time except it's not that I've spoken too much, or wrongly, it literally just feels like someone's foot is lodged in my throat. It seems that with everyday that passes this feeling grows stronger, like i need to spit up whatever feelings i have stuck because i want them gone. This sounds super deep but it's just everyday stuff.
I don't think feelings like this are talked about or written about very often and it's sad because they're feelings that can't be described so i think if someone started talking or writing about them then more people would, even though it's hard. Like that butterfly feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you know something nerve-racking is coming up and how that feeling increases day by day the closer you get to it.
I often have to wear sunglasses in shops because it gets too bright and the lights make me feel sick and i'm scared it makes me look pretentious. I'm not pretentious I just have this thing. It happened yesterday when I was waiting for a prescription, the lights were white and blinding and i started to feel sick. I even started playing games on my phone to distract me and the lady at the desk looked at me funny. But whatever, she was a purple rinse.
All these feelings I've talked about I get all the time, and more, but they're the kind of feelings you can't describe or remember until you actually get them. So i'll try and remember them.
I'm a really bad second guesser. It makes life weird sometimes and I just have to settle for a lot of things. You know? Like is my Mum really acting like a bitch or am I just a selfish, conceited asshole? I think it's a part of being 18 years old and I have to find how to handle it for now. Like i'll just put this issue in my back jean pocket and deal with it later.
I'm not making any sense but maybe if you read it over a few times....
I think this is just a culmination of feelings and dates and things that have happened but it will get more entertaining when September comes around. It's June right now.
I'm scared about a lot of things that are going to be happening but i'll come to those feelings when i actually experience them and we'll see if they're as scary as I feel like they're gonna be. It might just be that foot-in-mouth feeling or it might be as scary as i think it is yeah (second guesser).
Sometimes i feel like i have to contain my feelings because when i try to explain them they get too complicated and i think maybe i should simplify them so other people will maybe get it. But if I simplify them then it's not really how i feel so you're gonna maybe have to read this post over a couple hundred times.
